the opinionist

First let me quickly state that I am indeed a recovering European – a newly naturalized U.S. citizen – and I’ve come to a wholly different conclusion about Americans and their view of the world and of themselves.

The United States of America is an unwanted protagonist in a world that finds itself stewing, quite contently, in the seven deadly sins: lust, gluttony, greed, sloth, wrath, envy and pride. You can decided which nations I cheekily fail to reference but some are quite obvious and others are more subtle.

For its part, the world is confused by America. It appears deeply introspective and yet it tries to fix the world, sometimes without invitation but always with gusto, until grown tired – it walks away to another cause or short-term fix.

The American abroad bares the label ‘ugly American’ with pride and flails the bravado and bullhorn confidence like a drunk with nunchucks. What is fascinating is the conversion process that sneaks up on American expats and slowly overcomes their senses; as they shift from stalwart patriot to retiring apologist for frequently perceived but rarely requested American imperialism.

Like I said, Americans abroad are a fascinating oxymoron: likeable but difficult to fathom, disgustingly proud yet blissfully ignorant, generous to a fault yet cocky and boastful.

I must add, with great relish, that I feel quite comfortable making these heinous generalizations. I’ve worked for U.S. corporations my whole life – at financial institutions in London and technology companies in the U.S. – and I leapt across the pond to America at the first whiff of an opportunity. Who doesn’t?

My first week in the United States of America went very well. Who doesn’t like Chicago? It’s clean, wonderfully affordable (by British standards!), polite to a fault and – as I’d later come to understand and truly appreciate – built on the foundations of good Mid-Western values. Of course Mayor Daley keeps the riff-raff busy with a bountiful supply of city contracts but what is a city without a welfare system? But I digress.

The British are drowned in world news and current affairs like an oozing puss of global pain and suffering. It is almost as if the evening family meal can’t be served until the household is fed a healthy spoon of African famine, American condescension, French skullduggery and terrorist propaganda. Ah! The BBC! Not just Benny Hill reruns!

My frustrated efforts to gather news outside the rather large borders of the United States – the bigger world beyond Hollywood, gay marriage debates and Jerry Springer – were lacking, to put it mildy.

Then I hear the frequently and annoyingly over-used excuse; ‘but the U.S. is so big!’. So is the bloody world! Yet little Europe is made aware of the global angst from sunrise to sunset.

FoxNews, the bastion of lightweight jingoism, gives you 24×7 coverage of a missing teenager in Aruba but the world only gets ‘80 seconds’. MSNBC tackles the claptrap of Washington politics with a wonderfully snide bedside manner. And so much for CNN! They have CNN International for those outside the insular walls of the United States and CNN-Lite for those trapped within the twilight zone of myopic news editors.

From the first week off the boat (or plane) and into the U.S., I came to the painful realization that it’s not America’s fault they’re so blissfully ignorant of the world beyond the fifty states. Americans are so conditioned to the notion of a four time zone world that they just gave up wondering about the other missing twenty hours!

It’s not until the American travels do they realize, ‘Holy cow!’ you guys speak American also – but would you pick up the service a little! Where’s the hot water? You call that a sandwich? Where’s the ice? Listen pal! I’m an American, dammit!

I’ve truly, passionately, enjoyed the ten brisk years I’ve lived in Chicago. Two years ago I measured the depth of my love for the U.S. and eagerly became a citizen of the said lands of opportunity. But it’s like a ’senior Kremlin official’ said in a recent New Yorker article on modern Russia. (The New Yorker, ‘Letter from Moscow | Kremlin Inc. | Why are Vladimir Putin’s opponents dying‘ by Michael Specter)

‘Why are you watching TV? People like you should go read the Internet if you want information. TV is not for you. It’s for the people.’

The only problem, Russia has an increasingly dictatorial leader, nationalized news media, bought newspapers and thinly distributed internet access. What is America’s excuse?

For the past two weeks this country has been fed a tepid grog of Anna Nicole Smith, a bald Britney Spears, Clinton-Obama titter-totter, and the Scooter Libby freak show. Meanwhile over $200m has been spent daily on a failed policy in Iraq, a resurging Taliban in Afghanistan enjoying a record opium harvest, a rapidly arming china build on a near-superpower economic status, the continued plunge into cold war relations with Russia, an increasingly Marxist central America and a plethora of nasty ‘evil doers’ plotting against American interests across continents and around the world but not on TV’s or newspapers near you!

America need only look beyond its navel to recognize its fortune and, therefore, its responsibilities. Americans either don’t give a damn or don’t know jack! To be both is to be President!

Posted on March 4th, 2007 under Americans, British, CNN, Fox News, MSNBC •  Email This Post • RSS 2.0 feed • Leave a response, or trackback